Raindrops
by maybextomorrow
Summary: She's falling down and nobody sees it. Can somebody save her before it's too late? [NH, LP minor BL]
1. Prologue

_I don't own OTH, just this storyline._

_I know it's short and the grammar sucks, but excuse me, I'm not from an English country. The next chapters will be longer, I swear._

I look at myself through the mirror. I hated what I was about to do, and was trying to stop myself but I knew I´d fail. Still I look at myself, following the tear on my cheeck. One tear, and nothing more.

I see it making a trail on my skin, slowly making it's way to the end of my face. Running over my lips, my chin and then it fell down. Leaving te salty taste on my lips.

Suddenly I couldn't hold myself back anymore, and my arm made it's way to the little handle on the side of the mirror, and I opened the cabin behind it. I removed some bottles of make-up remover, and spotted the little razor that I had hidden. I grabbed it and I walked over to the closed toiletseat, to sit down on it.

I pushed my sleeve aside for a bit, making old scars visible, and started looking for a spot I could use. When I had found it, I putted the razor's sharp point on my skin. I hesitated a bit, but it was not long before I had pushed a little harder, making a small line on my skin.

It didn't last long before that small line became more and more liquid and it started to get bigger. And as I look at the blood, making one single force on my arm and making one drop with a red trail, I wonder why it doesn't hurt. Why it never hurts when I'm doing it.

I grabbed a piece of toiletpaper with my non-bleeding arm, and put it on the cut, but within seconds the paper was too small to contain all the blood. I grabbed more of the toiletpaper, and putted it on my arm again. At that moment I heard soft knocking noises, and heard the voice of my dad saying "honey, can you come downstairs for a minute, we need to talk".

I waited a second, made sure the paper wouldn't fall, and said "sure, just a minute".

"Okay", I heard him say back, and not long after that I heard him going down the stairs.

I grabbed the toiletpaper from my arm and opened the little bin next to the toilet. It was full with other tissues covered in blood. That was the good thing about having my own bathroom, no one looked in my trash. I throw it in and quickly close it.

I put my sleeve back where it belongs, and hope that it doesn't make big stains. It's a black sweater, so it doesn't really matter. And walk through my bathroom, through my room to the stairs. I know what conversation we're going to have already because we have had this conversation a 100 times already.

I walk in the room, and there they sat. On the same place I expected them to be. Saying the exact same words I knew they were going to say. "Haley, you're behaviour lately is not exeptable, and you know it."


	2. Chapter 1 Enjoy The Silence

Thanks for the reviews. There won't be so much that happens in this chapter, it'll mostly explain the relationships and stuff. I hope you like it. Please review :)

_Sadly, I own nothing from OTH._

She lied on her bed, playing with the sheets, lost in her thoughts. She just had a talk with her parents, which ended in another fight. They didn't understand that she couldn't talk to them anymore. And she didn't understand why she couldn't, so she couldn't explain it to them.

She knew it was partly out of guilt. She knew her parents would freak if they knew what she did to herself almost everyday. She didn't care about the pain she had, but she did care for the pain for her parents, or her friends for that matter. She couldn't tell them either. It was too late to tell them. They had lives of their own, with mostly even bigger problems then she had.

She was just the girl they came to when they'd gotten in trouble again. Or the girl who saw when they were in pain, and came up to them. No one had ever read her like that tho, and sometimes she hated her friends for it. But never for long, because in the end, she loved being there for them.

Her arm hurt like hell. She hadn't looked at it since she came upstairs, she wanted it to hurt. She kinda loved the pain. It was the only reason she was still doing it.

It had started for a whole different reason, though she couldn't remember why.

"Yo loser" a familiar voice said, pulling Haley out her thoughts. "Can I come in?"

"Sure", she yelled, while she sat up on her bed. She made sure her sleeve was where it belonged and heard him open the door. "What'ya doing here?"

"Just thought I'd visit my best friend in the whole world on this rainy Sunday." he said, sarcastically. She recognized the tone.

"What did you and Peyton do this time" she said. Lucas and Peyton had a complicated relationship, you see. They loved each other, but both were too much of a coward to say that to each other. They occasionally gave in the craving, meaning they had sex, but not long after they'd fight and break their short fling off again. When they weren't giving in they were friends. Friends who fought all the time though.

"Hmm" he said, as he sat down next to Haley.

"Had sex and then fight?"

"Pretty much." he said, and she saw that she shouldn't go on more, he was clearly hurt.

"I'm sorry. Wanna talk about it?"

"No, not really", he said, and he turned his face to her. "What about you? Fought with your parents again, I heard." He moved a little with his mouth. She noticed he tried to read her, but she was good enough to know he couldn't. No one could.

"Yep, my behavior is not acceptable again. And I don't even know what I'm doing wrong." Wrong. She did know. She just did not know how to put it into words. Okay, she knew that she was being snappy and mean to her parents, she just didn't know how to put in in words that didn't make her look evil. She let herself fall back wards. "God, I wish I could move out already. Move away from stupid Tree Hill and all it's drama."

He let himself fall back too."Oh, I want that too. Too bad we gotta wait."

"Yep. As soon as high school is done though", she said.

It was quiet for a while. They just laid there on the bed. They both didn't know what else there was too say. Both lost in their own thoughts, about their own mistakes. Haley knowing exactly what Lucas was thinking about, Lucas blank on what Haley was feeling.

Lately Lucas worried about Haley a lot lately. She'd changed from the happy, sarcastic, smart and honest girl, to this girl who kept a lot of things to herself, and she didn't look that happy anymore. She was still sarcastic though, now more than ever. He tried to talk to her about it, but she laughed him off, saying she was just a little down at the moment, and that it would get better soon. It didn't change, but he didn't have the time to ask it again.

It hurt him to see his best friend like this, but he had his own problems now. They kinda grew apart when he'd joined the basketball team. He knew they did, but he didn't really see it. They saw each other everyday, and he still told her his problems. It had been a perfect excuse for hiding their real friendship, that they had lost.

Surprisingly, it was Haley who first broke the silence. "So, hmm, I have to finish some homework, and I kinda just wanna be alone for a little while." she tried to bring it as soft as she could. They both sat up.

"Oh okay", his voice sounded like he didn't believe her.

"I'm sorry", she added, just to be safe.

"No, it's okay, I get it" - he didn't though, it was still evident in his voice - "I need to do some homework too, and you know, call Peyton to make up for our fight so we can be friends again."

They both stood up from the bed, and Haley walked him to her bedroom door. He knew she wasn't going to walk him all the way downstairs. "Bye", he said.

"Bye, see you tomorrow", she said back.

"Yeah", and he walked down the stairs.

She closed her door, and walked to her window. She watched Lucas get out of her house, and heard the voice of her mother say "I'm sorry, she's just a little off today". And he just nodded, waved and stepped into his car, and left.

She stepped away from the window, turned around and walked to the bathroom door. She removed her sleeve, seeing the damage she'd caused earlier. She put on the water and let the wound underneath it, to wash away the blood. It stung, but she hardly felt it.

When all the blood was gone, she grabbed a towel, dried up her arm softly, and went for the little handle next to the mirror.

* * *

Haley stood outside waiting for her ride to school. Most of the James family were still inside, enjoying a lovely breakfast, but Haley just snagged a sandwich and left. Her parents stared at her when she was in the house and she didn't want that now. She felt even more miserable when she saw their faces.

Her ride was Peyton Sawyer, just like everyday. Peyton had suggested it when one time Haley was complaining about the bus again. She liked Peyton's car better, it was clean and their weren't as much people. She wasn't a fan of Peyton's driving though, they'd gotten in so much almost-accidents that Haley lost count.

It wasn't so much that Peyton was speeding too much, it was more that Peyton didn't look. She would go really fast, while the car before her was just speeding down.

But still, it was better than the smelly bus.

Peyton was Haley's girl-friend. It was the friend where she came to if she needed to talk about boys and stuff. Not that she did much though, Haley kept things to herself, but Peyton did it enough with her.

Sometimes, it sucked because she now knew more about Lucas than she'd ever needed, but it was nice to know that somebody would listen if she'd ever get boy trouble.

She heard beeping tires at the end of the street and knew it was Peyton. She saw the black car enter the street and stepped forward, closer to the kerb. When the car came closer, she saw someone sitting in the backseat. To her unpleasant surprise, she saw it was Brooke Davis.

Brooke Davis was this typical popular high school girl, which everyone admired and loved. Haley didn't like her though, she thought Brooke was just another shallow, boy crazy, cold hearted cheerleader. She didn't say that to Peyton though, Brooke was Peyton's best friend.

Peyton stopped and turned over to open the door. "Hi, step in" she said, and went back to her seat.

And so Haley did. "Hey", she said to both and she closed the door.

"Hey tutorgirl", Brooke said, and then returned to Peyton to finish what they were talking about. Peyton shot her one apologetic look, but then returned to say 'hm-hm' and 'yeah' while Brooke ranted on about a party she went to Saturday without Peyton.

It was actually quite relaxing to not have to say anything. She could just wonder away, without anyone noticing it. She loved this kind of moments, where she could be alone without actually having to be all alone.

It didn't last long though, she woke up from her daydream because Peyton stepped on her breaks really hard. Luckily she had on a seat-belt, because if she hadn't, she would've flown out the window for sure.

"Peyton", Brooke said annoyed, while slapping Peyton's shoulder. "Seriously, I'm scared to death in your car."

"Sorry", Peyton said, sarcasm and maybe a part of shame evident in her voice.

"Ooh, we still love you Peyton", Haley said, sticking out her tongue. "Driving is just not your thing."

"Hmm", and Peyton continued to look to the road, while Brooke was starting a new story about her Saturday night, and Haley continued to wonder away again.

That's how the rest of the ride went. Brooke ranting, Peyton saying 'hm-mm' while she didn't even know what the hell she was talking about, and Haley was being quiet.

When they arrived at school, Brooke spotted Bevin and she quickly parted from the other two. Peyton and Haley said nothing about it, just made their way too school. Just to stop the silence that had turned awkward, Haley started a conversation. "So, Lucas came by last night." She probably could've find a better subject, but she was blank at that moment.

"Yeah I know, he told me on the phone. Look, we've talked it out and we've decided that we're not going to do it anymore. You know, us and stuff? We've decided that we're just not meant to be or something."

"Yeah, right" Haley chuckled. She had heard this so many times before that she stopped believing in it. Mostly because next week they would be together again, partly because she was always secretly hoping for them.

"No seriously. We've even allowed each other to see other people."

"Wow. Well, okay." Haley stumbled. "If you're happy about this."

"I am. It's for the best." Peyton said, but Haley heard that she needed to reassure herself too. "So, we have geography now right?"

"Yep. With mr. Peters", Haley said, and they both sighed. Mr. Peters was a mean, and kind of peverted man. He only liked kids who got straight A's, and he loved to stare at girls' breasts. And when the class turned agains him, he refused to give them anymore explanation about really difficult things which came up in the tests. And when he did give an explanation, it was hard to follow as a girl in front. Girls loved to rant about him though, it was their only way to get through that class. That's how they'd usually spend their Monday morning.

"Hey Sawyer" said the boy who, out of nothing was walking next to Peyton. It was Nathan Scott, Lucas's half brother and Peyton's best friend. Haley was his tutor, and even though she'd never admit it to anyone, she had a little crush on him. Not that she was going to act on it, when it came to boys she was kind of a chicken. She'd just talk to him when she needed too, and just look at him from a far.

"Yo Scott", Peyton said back. "What do you have first period?"

"English with mrs. Brown" he said.

"The spitter?" Peyton asked back.

"That's the one", Nathan laughed. Nathan sucked in English, that's why he needed tutoring, but mrs. Brown still loved to yell at Nathan because of his failing grades, which weren't failing anymore after Haley'd given him one lesson. "So Haley, when do you have time?"

He had finally seen her. Her heart skipped a beat but she just smiled and said "After school?".

"Hm, okay. I'll wait for you at the door", he said. "But I gotta go now, still have to get my books from my locker" and he was gone.

Haley and Peyton both said "Bye", to him, while he walked to the other way than them. They both continued their way to class. Haley sighing inside, she couldn't wait until after school. First she'd have to survive the day.


	3. Chapter 2: smoke

Wow, haven't updated in the longest time. Anyway this chapter isn't long, but I feel inspiration again. Again, I'm soo sorry this took so long. It's hard for me to write this story but whatever.

--

It was the weirdest thing. Watching them, get it on. Haley never thought these 2 would ever get along. God, she felt like an outsider again.

She was waiting for him to come along, and save her from this awkward situation. But it was over 15 minutes of when he was suposed to come, and she wondered if he'd ever come.

"Hales", Lucas began. "We'd like to go..."

"Fine, you go of with Brooke, Nate'll probably bring me home." She faked a smile.

"Thanks Haley", Brooke said, in the most cheerfull voice. This is exactly why she didn't think Brooke and Lucas would get along. Lucas is more of a thinker. He thinks about things way to much and when he's done thinking about it, it's always too late to do it. Brooke was the exact oposite. She never thought, she just did, and that got her in trouble most of the time.

"I wish he'd come soon" she whispered as Brooke and Lucas left together, giggling.

But a half hour later she still stood there. Everyone had left already. She was sure he wasn't going to show up anymore now. She left the building slowly, starting her half hour long walk home, sighing and silently called names in her head.

--

She was struggeling with the keys, furiously. She hated these kinds of days, when she couldn't wait to get home just to get to her room. She should be happy to go home right? But before she got the right key the door opened. There were her parents, with empty shopping bags in their hands.

"Hey hun, we're going shopping. Want me to get something for you?" Her mother desperatly attempted to make the face Haley had now into a smilie face. Haley knew that, so she smiled.

"No thank you", she said, they changed sides, Haley inside and parents outside. "Have fun shopping"

She threw the door closed. All she wanted was to go upstairs, but something inside of her stopped. It was her stomach, she was hungry. She went to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of cheetos, and when she reached over to get a glass and saw her dad's cigarettes. Her dad didn't smoke alot, because he liked the inside warmth too much he'd always say and her mom always said that he needed to smoke outside, but when he worked he did it all the time.

Dad wouldn't notice if I took one of his packs, right? She thought. She always liked the smell of the some and her dad always said it calmed him down. And she needed something to calm her down.

It's crazy, she thought than and grabbed a glass, and filled it with cola.

Maybe it's not so crazy. And when she went upstairs with her cola and crisps she took one pack.

She drank and she ate first than climbed out her window and stood on the roof. She has seen this done in movies, and the roof was always her favorite place to be alone. It looked out over their rather small garden, and the house behind that where the Simmons lived.

She took the beautifull lighter that she got from her brother once, with ducks on it, and she used it for the first time for something usefull. The first drag was gross, she felt the urge to cough but she pressed it back. Uch, how could her dad like it, she thought as she sat down on the cold roof.

Yet she took another drag. This one was better. The next one was even better, and so on. It did calm her down, she thought. When she was finished she heard her parents come home, and climbed back into her room, went back downstairs to help her parents unloading the groseries.

--

trust me, the story will get better. I just need Haley depressed for a while, sorry :P


End file.
